#59 The Milkshake Incident

    My biggest regret ever is bringing my milkshake.  It brought all of these boys over to my yard, and they started arguing saying mine was better than theirs.  So I told them, “damn right, it’s better than yours.”  Eventually I taught them, but they of course had to pay.
    My second biggest mistake was buying rufilin from a guy named Doug. He told me that it was ecstasy, but I found out later it was rufilin. It was at a friend’s bachelor party in Vegas. Me and three of my friends were on the roof of our hotel and I slipped what I thought was ecstasy into our drinks. We all ended up blacking out and could not remember what we did that night. The next morning, my friend Doug was missing! The other three of us spent the next day looking for him trying to get him to his wedding that day. I used my deductive reasoning skills and my awesome fanny-pack to figure out where we left Doug the night before.
    Some other things that happened that night: some naked asian man ended up in my dad’s trunk and hit me with a crowbar, we stole a police car, we stole fifty thousand dollars, we stole Mike Tyson’s pet tiger, we lost the fifty thousand dollars we stole, I used my superior intelligence to win fifty thousand dollars in blackjack. Long story short, the biggest mistake of my life turned out to be the best night of my life.